The person close to me said something along the lines of "you were much more fun before the weight loss" and the former colleague said something to the effect of "you seem much more lighthearted and easygoing now!" Pretty disparate points of view, correct? So who was right and who was wrong? Was I more fun when I was obese? Or was I more heavy-hearted and demanding? I don't believe I was either. Don't get me wrong. I certainly do have my not-so-fun, heavy-hearted and demanding moments (though I hope they are few and far between).
I'm still the same fun, light-hearted and easygoing person I was six years ago and beyond- only I weigh less. My personality didn't change along with my weight. Rather, it was certain others' perceptions of me. It's an unfortunate truth that people are largely judged by their appearance. It is just surprising when those type of judgments are made by those who you are close to- especially when they are those whom you believe see you for who you truly are. It was a troubling eye opener for me in the days and months I was becoming accustomed to my shrinking size. The fact that I could no longer shop at Lane Bryant was both a blessed relief and a source of sadness as well. Change, no matter how extraordinarily positive, is something that can be just as extraordinarily difficult to adjust to- not only for the one who's changed but also for those close to them.
I wasn't any less fun in the literal sense. I still will break out with some impromptu disco noises and sometimes even a robot dance in the middle of a shopping aisle while with my kids- much to their combined delight & embarrassment, I'm sure. I suspect the changes in my eating habits and exercise level maybe led to the sudden "not as fun" label that one person placed on me and that the change in my size is what led to another now characterizing me as "more lighthearted and easygoing." Speculating on this, however, will lead to nowhere. The growth lies in recognizing the difference between their perceptions of me and my reality- and owning it. I am who I am and that is all there is to it. Same goes for you now - whether you're fat, thin, tall, short, small-chested, busty or what have you. You are who you are. Own you. See you. Know you. Don't let other people's perceptions of you change your reality.
And by the same token, don't let your own negative perceptions of yourself prevent you from achieving your ideal reality. We tend to be our own worst critic or let our fear of failure keep us from not only achieving our goals, but even naming them. "I can't do that" is the absolute worst thing we can tell ourselves because 9 times out of 10, we can. If you had pulled me aside seven years ago and told me, "you will lose ninety pounds, start to run and even run a full marathon, be able to do man-style push-ups, lift heavy weights with ease and have a natural childbirth," I would have told you, "I can't do any of those things! I'm too [insert appropriate adjective here- fat, weak etc.]" Each one of them would have seemed far beyond the realm of possibility. The only way they would have been actually impossible would be if I hadn't tried to achieve each of these things.
Name your goal(s). Write them down. Share them with those closest to you. Enlist their support. Make a plan of action to help you reach them. Step away from the funhouse mirror that tells you you're too fat, stupid, weak or whatever negative image it's hurling at you and start your journey to the place in your life you want to be.
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